As I entered my 40’s I really began to struggle in life. I’m
sure it was a combination of mid-life crises, being house poor and being
Bipolar. My depression got to the point that I attempted and failed at
committing suicide. I’ll follow up on that last point in a later entry. At any
rate, after the suicide attempt my medication got increased substantially.
Any one that has been on an anti-depressant notices those warning
labels on your bottles; DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. There is a valid reason behind
their reasoning. If you check out the Mayo
Clinic’s site you’ll learn quickly that Alcohol when mixed with your meds
can create spikes in blood pressure, anxiety in some, and greater depression in
others not to mention the double team attack on your liver
.
Please remember, I am no supplement for your own education
or information from a qualified doctor, nurse or pharmacist. I only know what
my own experience has been. Here in Toronto we also have a great facility know
as the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (better known as CAMH). I can attest
to the high quality of their librarians and research facilities. What I’m
trying to say is, don’t assume you know more than the “professionals” in this field.
Even your GP might not be up to speed because they need to cover a lot of
ground.
I personally like my tipple. I look at it, again personally,
as an “I’ll take my chances” choice. I’ve worked very hard to go from spinning
out of control to normalizing (whatever that means). The common folk get to
kick back once and a while and let their hair down so to speak. I want that
too. So yes, I ignore the warning signs on the bottles and I drink. We’ll deal
with Cannabis another day.
A prime example of me and drink: Let me walk you through the
steps. The stage this weekend was a wedding of two beautiful humans at a site
right on a bay. Ontario has more lakes and bays than it knows what to do with. I
was so looking forward to buying a new outfit, seeing new and old friends and
just being generally out of the house. Those of you without children know the
older you get the hard it is to find a reason to go out. But I digress. This
obviously involved cocktails. When I drink I always do my best to stick to one
type of drink. Most cases for me it is red wine and with an Open Bar, it’s easy
to access.
My personal reaction is what some call Dutch Courage (I
believe it is actually a derogatory term). After a couple my normal lack of
understanding societal norms are removed and I believe I’m the life of the
party. I had a grand time at this wedding. One of the best in a long time. As
we say in the gay-world; I was “holding court”. Fast forward to the next day;
thankfully there was no hang over just really tired. I had missed breakfast and
by the time I got my shit together it was time to leave.
Here is where my problem comes in and it’s very real. I tend
to have Retrograde Amnesia or more commonly known as Black Out drunk – I’m just
more dignified. Simply, I don’t remember specifics of the “drunken” part of the
day. Then the paranoia sets in. Did I make an ass of myself? I always check for
bumps and bruises to see if I fell down and pray I didn’t hurt anyone’s
feelings. It usually turns out that I was fine and a good friend would recount
the evening for me. At that point the memories usually come back. Blurry, hazy
but they come back.
To drink or not to drink; that is the question. It boils
down to your own experiences and your own choice. I’ve made mine. I’m terrified
to take an allergy pill while on my meds but a bottle of wine is just fine.
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